viernes, 7 de octubre de 2016

Ice (part I), CR-VocalesV

Georgia by Yousuf Karsh

Rod takes my hand and gives me an ice cube
squeeze it, he says, harder,
he looks at me furiously, squeeze the damn thing.
I cry
no, no, please, I can’t, this is not what I want.
The ice cube burns my hand, I bite my lips
and I feel the taste of mucus and tears as I sob.
He opens my hand tenderly, it’s ok sweet girl, it’s over now.
I’m lying on a stretcher unable to move,
I look at the ceiling, tears rolling down
forming tiny puddles of salty water on his shoes
as he looks at me from above.
Some minutes pass, maybe an hour goes by
and I hum and old song.

Sit down now, he requests
I’m shivering, and a cold sweat damps my hair
on a table he places a bucket full of water and ice.
There’s a cognitive response towards cold
and he is all about cognitive responses,
that’s what he told me the first day I met him.
He strips me off my robe
Breathe, count until three while inhaling
count until six while exhaling
And so I count as I breathe,
I look at the wall

there’s a post-it with a verse from a book
I read a long time ago
“I want my annihilation to be total.”
Sharp, so sharp, the pain is so sharp.
I begin biting my fingers until they bleed
ripping off little pieces of meat,
meat for other humans to play with.
I regain consciousness, retrieving my gaze from the wall
as I look at him with empty despair
I try to scream, but a thousand birds
come out of my mouth instead.
Rod takes my head and submerge it in the icy water
he pulls me out by the hair,
count, now, louder.
He repeats the same gesture five times,
then leaves the room.
I’m frozen, my heart is melting in the bucket with ice,
I wish I could melt too.

CR - VocalesV

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